7 Must-know tips for strong relationships
“In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, I how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.”
Each time I read this quote from Rumi, it gives me a beautiful feeling. It depicts a deeper sense of loving. But more simply, it is a reminder of the beauty in love, and why we should make the conscious choice every day to build, strengthen, and nurture the love we share with our life-partners.
This article “5 things that build strong relationships” was inspired by my own personal experiences and growth. It is by no means an exhaustive list, nor is it professional advice. It is simply a guide, and hopefully a help for those trying to navigate their way through sometimes uncharted waters.
I remember thinking before my first serious relationship that I somehow had the magic key to having a strong and healthy one. While I may have conceptually understood some of the basic components required, I certainly had no idea how to apply them in every situation.
But with a lot of patience with myself and from my partner, I began to understand that sometimes at the end of the day, it isn’t about having all the best answers. It is more important to be open to the journey, and to be teachable when you find out you’re the one in the wrong.
Practice listening.
You’re probably reading this and thinking, “this is so basic.” And it is. So basic that everyone at some point forgets its importance and needs to be reminded.
Though this is especially true amid heated moments, it is also true during daily interactions. When you feel that someone is really listening, not just mulling over their next response, you feel a natural sense of care from that individual, right? I definitely do. And I have found that the more I take time to listen, the more I am able to avoid misunderstandings, miscommunication, and aggravation.
Though some people are naturally disposed listeners and others more talkative, I believe that everyone can develop this very useful skill. I also believe that every successful and strong relationship begins and thrives beside those who take the time to listen.
Compromise.
“Everyone is different. Everyone is individual. And (most) everyone thinks their way is the best way.”
Compromise can be tricky when two people have strong feelings towards something. So can be choosing your battles. But if we didn’t do either of these things, our relationships would be one long, stressful, never-ending saga of turmoil.
Compromise requires a somewhat unselfish move, one that says, “This seems to matter a lot to you, and because of that, I’m going to make a sacrifice on my part.” Even if it is something as small as where to go for dinner, that is a considerate and effective compromise and isn’t actually small at all.
Relationships thrive under thoughtfulness, and awareness. I believe that to effectively make a compromise, it requires a certain level of attentiveness to the situation, and the ability to step back and ask yourself, “Is this really worth it, or am I just trying to prove a point?”
Oftentimes it seems we are unable to compromise out of either stubbornness or from an inability to be open-minded. I think it is very difficult to have any successful relationship, be it with a friend, family member or otherwise, without some level of openness to others. So next time you catch yourself trying to have it all your own way, try saying instead, “let’s just meet each other half-way.”
Say you are sorry.
Saying sorry is not always easy, as it is an admittance of being in error of something. But no one is free of error or mistake.
There are various kinds of apologies; the not-so-serious ones and the serious ones. For example, there are times when I’m stressed, busy, or overwhelmed, and my response to those close reflects that. Did I do anything wrong? No, but I could have been more patient. When I recognize this, I come back and say, “I am sorry, I didn’t have to respond that way.” Though my friend or relative most likely understands why my response was whatever it was, I don’t want to set a precedence for even petty rudeness between us. By pausing to acknowledge that I could’ve been more kind, I am saying it is not okay to be rude. And whether it shows or not, I believe that this simple gesture strengthens relationships over time because it creates a respectful and loving foundation.
Validation.
Validation is so important because it creates a safe emotional environment, which then allows for openness, vulnerability, and closeness. It is not always easy to validate, especially during tumultuous disagreements or when you don’t feel like you understand. But isn’t this when validation is most necessary?
There are many articles on this specific topic, but it is something that doesn’t hurt reiterating. To build a strong relationship, this is a necessary key component. Pause. Listen. Take a moment to acknowledge the feelings, experiences,and thoughts being expressed in that moment. This is one of the most thoughtful and loving acts that you can do for another human.
We all want to be understood. We all want to feel heard. And when we are, our social climates begin to change.
Validating statements cheat-sheet:
https://www.hopeforbpd.com/borderline-personality-disorder-treatment/validating-statements
Another excellent article:
Learn to separate from your ego.
How many different ways does our ego affect our interactions with people? Probably a whole lot more than we realize. Now while our ego is necessary, it can also be the source of a lot of contention if we aren’t actively conscious of it. How often does it stir up jealousy, exacerbate a fight, or trigger insecurities? How often are we communicating through a flare-up of ego, rather than from love? And how many once-thriving relationships has it fatally ruined?
The subject of ego and relationships was unfamiliar to me for a long time. Then one day while having a heated conversation with my partner, he looked at me and said, “that is your ego talking.” At the time I felt a bit offended and ashamed, but I was also curious. I had never looked at it that way. And in that moment, I did not need to prove that I was right. I just needed to know how my ego had been so invisible to me, and how in the future I could learn to detect it.
Our egos are part of us. But they don’t have to take over and destroy things. Here are 3 questions that I often ask myself:
#1. “Am I letting my ego get in the way of my love?
#2 Is my ego be bigger than my love?
#3. Will I nurture my ego in this moment or will I nurture my love?”
These are simple questions, but pointed and provocative. They only require an honest answer. I find that only a moment’s reflection is all I need, and my entire demeaner is changed. Because the answer is right there, clear as day, all along: my heart’s love. That is what matters. Not my ego– which would likely destroy everything anyway, and all for the sake of having the last word.
The Love Sculpture
Impeccably depicted by Alexander Milov, is an evocative portrait of the inner children trapped inside each of us.
Photo by: AeroZakaz Аэрозаказ
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